Managing Losses As We Age

If you would like to start a small group to discuss questions on this lecture, please use the helpful guidelines below as a starting point:

(While the mini-book, “Managing Losses As We Age,” and this discussion focus on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual losses, it also applies to various “failures” people face. Although “loss” is used in the mini-book and the questions below, please know that “loss” ALSO refers to some kind of failure or perceived failure).

You can buy a physical copy of my book on Amazon by clicking here: Managing Losses As We Age

These questions can be used in a three or 4-week “class,” a small group, or in a one-time discussion. You pick what will work best for you and others. Feel free to skip or amend any questions you wish. Also, please choose questions to discuss in any order you wish.

 Strong Suggestion: Start with general, non-threatening questions first since folks are usually reluctant to open up and become vulnerable until they feel “safe.” (Questions such as “What minor or major loss have you been through? How did you get through it?”

 Mild Suggestion: At the end of each meeting (if your group is made up mainly of Christians), suggest that each person prays for the person on their right—in only 1-5 sentences—Tell them:

 “Don’t do long, ‘preacher’ prayers. Keep yours to a few sentences. Also, many folks are shy or hesitant to pray out loud. This doesn’t mean they’re not spiritual. It merely means they are uncomfortable praying aloud, and that’s OK. if anyone wishes not to pray out loud, he or she can merely say, ‘Please help Jodie, or Sam, etc.’”

WEEK ONE

·      Discuss the list of various losses/failures below. Which ones do you think affect people whom you know? What other losses/failures do people face?

·      In what ways have others helped or hurt you as they reacted to your loss/failure? How have family, friends, and church members NOT helped to keep you afloat during difficult times?

·      How have family, friends, and church members helped you as you struggled?

 WEEK TWO

·      What losses/failures have you experienced in the past?

·      What Losses/failures are you currently experiencing?

·      As you dealt with your loss/failure, how have you dealt with denial, resentment, and self-pity?

 WEEK THREE

·      How have you felt and/or thought about your loss/failure?    

·      What tips and/or strategies from the mini-book, “Managing Losses As We Age,” have worked for you in healing, recovering, or rebuilding from your loss/failure?

·      What other ways have you used to cope, recover, and/or move forward?

 WEEK FOUR

·      If you are now dealing with a loss/failure, how can this group (or church) be of help—in practical ways?

·      How have your feelings and/or thoughts changed as you’ve processed your loss/failure?

·      How have faith, spirituality, outlook, and trust been affected by your struggles?

·      Who and How— Have YOU helped when someone you knew was dealing with aging losses/failures?

 LOSSES/FAILURES DUE TO AGING (a partial list):

(Please circle the losses that have affected or now affect you—and share with someone or the whole group)

 1.     Health of yourself, spouse, child, parent, or a friend —diminishing vision, hearing, memory, energy, exercising, dental problems; healing from injuries; mobility in walking, lifting, running, and even standing; falls; various illnesses and diseases.

 2.     Disability of yourself, spouse, child, parent, or a friend—physical, emotional (mental illness, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, etc.), mental (mentally-challenged, cognitive decline, dementia, Alzheimer's).

 3.     Relationships—Deaths of your spouse, children, parents, friends; alienation issues from your spouse, children, parents, friends; moving away of children, parents, friends.

 4.     Residence changes—from your home to a nursing home, senior residence, skilled care facility, acute care facility, hospital, moving in with children, or other residence.

 5.     Job/Career—lost due to retirement, company changes, being fired due to poor performance or company changes,

 6.     Goals and Plans—for work, vacations, hobbies, trips, children, grandchildren, weight control, and other personal or family ambitions.

 7.     Purpose and Meaning— from being a somebody to being a nobody; from being a respected wage earner to an “old person”; from being a participant in sports, community, or church activities to being a mere spectator; from being a valued leader and contributor to being a non-contributor or minimized contributor, unable to do much due to your age’s negative impacts.

 8.     Travel—Loss of energy, vision, physical health, and mental clarity prevent some or most travel; loss of driver’s license due to reduced vision, hearing, and reaction times.

 9.     Pet(s)—companionship and comfort are now gone.

Do you want to recover and rebuild from the negative effects of your aging and losses?

If so, are you willing to:

1) not throw in the towel

2) Really want a better quality of life

3) Desire to be a hero and not a victim

4) Step over the start line and take some kind of action

5) Put in the work —15 minutes a day to apply a recovery tool and/or strategy

 MAY GOD GUIDE AND BLESS YOU AS YOU ADDRESS THE LOSSES IN YOUR LIFE AND SEEK TO HELP OTHER STRUGGLERS!

 On the journey with you,

Jim